Questions and Consequences
Used something similar at the table to catch a new player up to where the rest of the PCs were in a DCC Funnel (mine go long and take a few sessions to get through). It's an abstract of the sort of wildly unbalanced but flavorful hijinx the level-0s can get up to. The DM asks the question, and the PCs decide which of their characters does it. Then the DM reads the consequence. A lot of these might be hooks the DM can use moving forward.
Questions and Consequences
1,Who looked inside the pig's backpack?
1,Who confronted the belligerent muscleman on the beach one on one?
1,Who touched the statue of [SpiritForm.main]?
1,Who befriended the drunk old man?
1,Who caught the nymph's eye first?
1,Who bravely waded into the babbling stream first?
1,Who poked around the ranger's campsite while he was off hunting?
1,[Painting.main] found in the abandoned watchtower, who looked behind it?
1,Who helped the wandering merchant down on his luck?
1,Who touched the glowing pink meteor?
1,Who dug up the lonely grave by the roadside?
1,Who bravely climbed down the stairs into complete darkness?
1,Who climbed up the floating stone stairs that led into the clouds?
1,Who decided to keep the weird egg instead of smashing it?
1,Who entered the witch's hut?
1,Who got into a riddle contest with the [Quick NPC.adjective] halfling?
1,Who ate the weird looking mushroom?
1,Who rooted through the humongous bird's nest?
1,Who opened the ornate stone coffin?
1,Who rang the wagon sized bronze bell?
1,Who drank from the [Color.all] pool?
1,Who plucked a fruit from the Tree of [List of gods.real]?
1,Who grabbed one of the fallen heads from the Tree of Severed Heads?
1,Who stepped into the strange [Color.all] fire in the Temple of [List of gods.real]?
1,Who pulled the bucket up from the lonely well in the abandoned village?
1,Who looked under the loose stone in the bandit's tower?
1,Who drank the [Color.all] wine from the brass goblet found on the feast table with all the spoiled food in the deep woods?
1,Who walked through the mysterious mist-shrouded arch?
1,Who broke the clay pot and read the scroll inside?
1,Who got to shelter last when the storm came?
100,Who pulled the arrow from the dead lion?
100,Who gazed a little too long in the magician's mirror?
100,Who woke the sleeping giant?
100,Who went behind the waterfall?
100,Who ordered [Brewnames.main] at the tavern despite being warned not to?
100,Who took the road less traveled by?
1,You found [backpackcontent]. 1,The pig didn't like that, you were trampled for [Dice.1d4] damage and the pig ran off. 1,The backpack was empty, but the pig liked you and follows you around now. 1,The backpack was full of [Dice.1d100] golden teeth.
1,a duck 1,a recorked bottle of wine 1,a [Household Treasures.main] 1,[Dice.2d3] random potions, all of the same type, each in [bottletype]
1,You got your ass kicked and he took your most valuable item. 1,You got a broken nose and lost your front teeth, but you should see the other guy! 1,You kicked his ass and took his coin pouch of [Dice.2d6] gold coins. 1,You arm-wrestled a god in disguise and held your own. Your muscles bulge, gain +1 strength.
1,You grow gills, weird. 1,Otherworldly energy courses through you! Random stat increases by 1. 1,You're now a cat. Meow. 1,The statue comes to life, and you become a statue. You can play as the former statue, if it makes any sense.
1,The dirty old man gives you a deck of erotic tarot cards. 1,Quite a potent drink you shared. You're an alcoholic now. 1,He gives you his trust knife, "Lucille". 1,Drunk as a skunk, you drift off in an alley and a rat bites you and you die.
1,She loves you. You'll need to spend the rest of your life with her (or until she gets bored of you).
1,She likes your face and gives you a kiss.
[nymphkiss] 1,She gives you a lock of her hair. 1,Something about you pisses her off. She curses you--lose a point in a random attribute.
1,What a kiss! Your confidence increases by 1. 1,You take on a more wooden appearance. Confidence -1, but AC +1. 1,You gained a boon! Kiss any tree and you will summon this wood nymph who will try to help you. 1,Turns out you're a bad kisser and she kisses and tells. Trees and flowers snicker when you walk by from now on.
1,What a shame, leeches got you. 1,You trip over a statuette of [SpiritForm.main] made from [Utility.HornIvory]. 1,The fierce water washes you downstream, stealing everything but your clothes. 1,You find an old coin with a queen on it.
1,You found a golden bow and a red quiver with [Dice.2d4] extra sharp arrows. 1,You found an angry wolverine. Take [Dice.1d4] damage. 1,You accidentally set his tent on fire. Whoops! Hope he doesn't have any class skills he can use to track you down. 1,He comes back and gives you some [Animal.ordinaryanimal] meat for the road.
1,You find a pouch with [Dice.1d20] gold coins in a hole behind the painting.
1,What trap killed you?
[trap] 1,You find a map of a dungeon (DM IOU) crammed into a cubbyhole behind the painting. 1,You find [bottletype] in a hole behind the painting.
1,Crossbow bolt to the face. Ouch! 1,Triggered fireball that melts your face away. 1,Mechanical snake sinks fangs into your neck. 1,Floor opens beneath and you plummet into darkness.
1,A haberdasher! He rewards you with a very fine looking hat. 1,A scam artist, he leaves you with nothing. 1,He rewards you with something fine: a [Armor.Shields][Armor.ShieldAdorn] 1,He tells you about a secret passage in a nearby castle.
1,Bad news, you're a time shadow now that haunts the future. 1,You're gone forever, but someone else appears. Roll an entirely new character; your occupation is spaceman and you have a ray gun. 1,The greasy surface rubs off on your skin. Your hands now glow faintly in the dark. 1,You chip off a piece and have a glowing pink chunk of meteor.
1,An angry skeleton did NOT attack you; you found an old journal detailing a nearby village's population 50 years ago.
1,The grave is empty, but in the coffin you found clumps of blue soil.
1,Someone beat you to it--no, wait, someone beat you. To death. The zombie you unleashed laughs and then starts burying himself again.
1,Only a skull remains.
1,A wise ass talking skull, you know the sort. 1,Strange, the skull appears kind of lumpy. 1,Definitely not a human skull, looks like it came from a [Animal.animalmammal] except bigger. 1,A blue crystal skull, must be worth a fortune!
1,Trudging down and ever deeper, squinting against the dark, you eventually reach the bottom. Nothing down there, but you can now see in the dark. 1,The darkness swallows you whole. 1,Who left this locked puzzle box here for you to trip over? 1,You appear at the top of the steps after some time, with no memory of what was down there, but changed. Reroll a random stat.
1,You thought you were good enough to get to Heaven? You'll be climbing those stairs for eternity. 1,A friendly cloud genie grants you a wish. 1,A sword sticking out of a cloud winds up in your possession. Hope nobody misses it... 1,You step out onto a cloud and promptly fall through. Luckily, a sky sprite whispered to you how to fall gently to earth and resist gravity.
1,Lucky you, turns out it was solid gold! 1,Watch out, mama might come looking for it... 1,It hatches and thousands of spiders scramble out, covering you with deadly love bites. 1,Starts to smell terrible, but you find yourself unable to get rid of it.
1,Uh oh, she kissed you!
[witchkiss] 1,Nobody's home, so you swipe a glowing [Color.all] orb. 1,You pocket a random potion in [bottletype]. 1,The witch's curse shrinks you to 1/2 your current size.
1,You turn into an intelligent spear. Someone else can take you, the witch Does Not Want. 1,She's such a good kisser, she stretches out your tongue. It's now twice as long. 1,You never asked for this, but now that you're here, it's pretty good. Luck increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,Having been kissed by a witch, your soul can never be raised from the dead. Hope it was worth it.
1,Schooled by his impossibly clever riddles, you end up losing your shirt to him, literally. 1,You get destroyed, but learn an awesome riddle that'll almost certainly stump someone in the future. 1,This halfling sucks at riddles. You best him easily and he gives you his lucky rabbit's foot. 1,A sore loser, the halfling throws a stinky balloon at you before taking off. You attract monsters now.
1,Did you think this would end well? The aptly named Destroying Angel mushroom destroys you. 1,The spores seep into your system. Now you leave a faint but visible trail of spores wherever you go. 1,You're a real fun guy! Your confidence increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,Ugh, you throw up a strange key.
1,You find a ball's worth of wire-thin silver woven into the bottom of the nest. 1,A giant black bird comes back and devours you like a worm. 1,3 birds the size of hyenas sleep over the remains of a dude. You grab the guy's severed hand which has a ring on it: a [Jewelry.JewelryMaterialClause] ring [Jewelry.Predicate] 1,A strange crystal skeleton of a bird is in the bottom of the nest. While you possess it, you can speak to birds.
1,A staircase in the coffin leads down to a [Jewelry.main] 1,You find 7 skeletal infants with 7 infant sized capes. Take one if you want to. 1,This dead dwarf smells terrible, but his plate armor looks to be in good shape. 1,You find a very convincing wolfman costume that's just your size!
1,A genie appears and you must grant him a wish. His wish is that you die, by his hand. 1,Not only do you not know whom the bell tolls for, you can't even hear it tolling any more. You're deaf now. 1,The loud vibrations crumble a nearby wall, revealing [Found in a crate.main]. 1,You freed a bell spirit! He gives you a little bell to ring to summon him sometime in the future if you need help.
1,Falling in, you discover something interesting at the bottom. [Interesting Magic Items.main] 1,One sip leaves you ripped! Increase your strength by 1. 1,Delicious water that turns to acid when it blends with saliva. You're probably dead. 1,A water fairy likes the way you swallow;she gives you [Armor.main].
1,It's a banana! Peel slowly and see!
[banana] 1,It's an apple! Eating this apple means you'll never die by non-violent means (like most player characters). 1,It's a coconut! Maybe that's not a fruit, I dunno, but the bitter milk is divine. Raise all your stats by 1! 1,Delroco, the thousand-eyed guardian of the Tree, notices you. If you had a wish, you'd wish he did not.
1,The banana is solid gold under the peel. 1,When your tongue touches the stolen fruit, you feel yourself transforming into a damn dirty ape. 1,The banana is ordinary, but the peel is divinely perfect for a prank! 1,What you thought was the banana's peel was actually the sleeping bag of a super-intelligent slug named Pluto. He'll hang with you for awhile.
1,The head speaks one word that is important to your future: [Demon Name.main]. Then it slowly shrivels. 1,The head speaks one word that is important to your future: quarrel. Then it crumbles to dust. 1,The head speaks one word that is important to your future: forgive. Then it shrinks into nothingness. 1,The head speaks one word that is important to your future: Highshaws. Then it laughs until its laughter turns to sobs, and it expires.
1,Your soul burns to a crisp. You count as undead now. 1,You burn to a crisp, but all of your equipment is now fire-proof. 1,You suffer hideous burns, but no actual damage. Gain the nickname "Died in a Fire". 1,The fire goes out, and you find yourself standing in a puddle of magical quicksilver, enough to fill a waterskin.
1,You haul up some rainbow colored water. 1,An opalescent stone sits in the bottom of the bucket. Your dreams will be beautiful and vivid as long as you possess it. 1,[Dice.1d100] old copper coins are in the bucket. These are wishes that never came true. 1,In the bucket you found a [Household Treasures.main]
1,You find a small leather pouch.
[pouch] 1,You find a wickedly pointy stiletto with a stylized skull for a pommel. 1,You find an old treasure map on faded vellum (DM IOU). 1,You find a list of crossed off names, with only two left: [Demon Name.main] the [Quick NPC.adjective] and [Fantasy Names.main].
1,Inside are 6 of what appear to be wedding rings, of various styles and ages. 1,You found the good stuff! [Dice.1d100] gold coins are in the pouch. 1,Inside the pouch is literal a [Animal.ordinaryanimal] shit. Sorry, man. 1,Pouch is empty; DM knows that this is actually a living creature who eats coins.
1,Sick, you mutated!
[mutation] 1,The milk of a planar [Animal.animalmammal] fortifies and sharpens. Increase constitution by [Dice.1d2]. 1,You just downed the antidote. Pick another player's character--they just got poisoned. 1,Let the feast begin! You sit at the table and eat the rotten food until you can't eat another bite. Your stomach only accepts rotting, preferrably human, flesh from now on.
1,A feline head sprouts from your neck. It detects lies told in its presence without error. 1,Your bones become as heavy as iron. Your movement speed is 10 slower and you sink when in water instead of floating. 1,You feel normal, but now you have a bomb heart. If you reach 0 hitpoints, you will detonate, dealing 3d6 damage to everything around you. 1,You secrete a sticky substance in your sweat, making it easier to cling to things, and harder to let go of things you hold.
2,You're transported to Louisville, Kentucky, spring, 1952. See if the other players want to follow you and make the DM do the rest of the campaign there.
2,Passing through the arch changes your alignment to its opposite. If you're neutral, you are now two identical characters, one devoted to Law, one to Chaos.
2,You travel through the mists and into the future. You'll appear again, emerging from mist some place and some time in the future.
1,You stumble upon a dead adventurer--yourself, but aged several years. The face looks terrified. The body has a magic item, chainmail armor, and a broken weapon.
[Interesting Magic Items.main]
1,Turns out it was a deed!
[deed] 1,It reads: "Whomsoever delivereth this missive to the greate Prince Holbier shall be provided their hart's trve desyre" and below that is a bunch of squiggles you can't understand. 1,A scroll of blinding! A powerful magic rune scribed in dark red ink burns the reader's eyes to powder, before it fades away forever. Quite a potent weapon you've found! Oh, wait. 1,A rare spell of "Flesh to Mud" usable even by non-magic users.
1,A deed to a quaint seaside cottage. 1,A deed to a mansion rumored to be haunted. 1,A deed to a ruined castle on the edge of the frontier. 1,A deed to an old silver mine that hasn't been worked since the dwarves had that problem a few decades ago.
1,You catch a glimpse of a primal storm dragon, sailing through the tempest, joyous howls booming like thunder. Two random stats increase by 1.
1,[Found in a crate.main]--this gift from the clouds lands in front of you.
1,Lightning strikes (not once, but twice!)
[lightning] 1,Rain soaks you to the bone. You develop a persistant chill that gives you -1 to physical checks due to your involuntary shudders.
1,You're struck by a blazing blue bolt and surge with divine power! Strength increases by 2. 1,You're electrified! You can cause a point of damage to living things just by touching them with your bare hand. You will die if you step into a body of water puddle size or larger. 1,The lightning bolt forks in front of your eyes, blinding you momentarily. When you open them, there's a jagged bolt of lighting imbedded in the ground in front of you, the size of a javelin. 1,You're paralyzed for [Dice.1d100] years. Statistically, you're more likely to be struck by lightning seven or eight times than you are winning the lottery even once.
1,The lion stays dead, don't worry. You now have a slightly used arrow! 1,Removing the arrow restores Simba, son of the Lion Lord, to life. He vows that no lion shall ever threaten you. 1,The lion wasn't quite dead! By removing the arrow, you earn his gratitude and become a mouse through the power of fable. All your stuff shrinks too, so you're just a mouse adventurer now. 1,When you touch the arrow, you get a vision of a grim far future where there's only war. If you shoot the arrow at someone, they will be sent there.
1,You're pulled into the mirror and into a different adventure with [Elf-folk.main] and [Elf-folk.main]. 1,You drift slowly towards the mirror until you pass through it. Gazing back out, you see someone else has just escaped this prison! Roll stats for a new character, occupation is wizard apprentice, has a wand of stinking cloud ([Dice.1d12] charges). 1,Your reflection is wearing [ClothingMale.main] Now you notice you're wearing the same thing. 1,You see a skeleton gazing back, but instead of a spine, there's some sort of large centipede-like creature. Have fun with that knowledge.
1,He smells your blood and grinds your bones to make his bread.
1,"Oh shit, I overslept," he bellows as he rushes away. "Thanks for waking me!" He gives you a giant iron coin with a harpy on the front. You could use it as a shield.
1,He yawns, his bad breath pouring over you, before rolling over to reveal a crushed knight and horse. You can salvage a finely made 2-handed sword with [Fantasy Names.main] inscribed on the blade.
1,Upon waking, the giant cries "No!" and immediately shrinks away into nothingness. He leaves behind a large sack.
1,A [Quick NPC.adjective] dwarf is in the sack, and he's quite hungry. Roll him up, a dwarf cartographer, who has one leather boot. 1,A barrel of [Utility.Drinks] is in the sack. 1,The sack contains [Utility.TradeGoodsPreciousItems]. 1,The sack contains a massive [Utility.Melon].
1,Someone's carved "[Demon Name.main] is the TRUE NAME" in the stone behind the waterfall. 1,A small grotto behind the waterfall holds a modest shrine to [List of gods.real]. On top of the shrine you find a [Household Treasures.main] 1,A skeleton is chained to the stone wall in a cave behind the waterfall. Also chained to the wall are the skeletons of what appear to be [Utility.TradeGoodsAnimals], one of which still lives. 1,The unholy water washes off your ability to be blessed or protected from chaos.
1,What a night! You wake up naked and with a strange tattoo in [Color.all] ink: [Utility.Symbols]. 1,You're hungover for the rest of the adventure. -2 to all mental checks. 1,The strong brew scrambles the neural pathways in your brain. Reroll your intelligence. 1,Bring me another! In awe, the tavern patrons shower you with coins as you chug mug after mug. The bartender lets you carve your name into the bar, where it joins an elite few. You make [Dice.1d100] copper.
1,It's made all the difference! Luck increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,You'll regret this until the day you die. Which is today. 1,In the hollow of a tree you find a [Jewelry.main] 1,You clearly march to the beat of your own drum, and in fact, you find a drum made from dwarf skin on the side of the road.
1,[label] glass bottle shaped like a [Animal.ordinaryanimal] 1,[label] vial 1,[label] wine bottle 1,[label] canteen 1,[label] flask 1,[label] jug 1,[label] glass jar
3,an unlabelled 1,an accurately labelled 1,a mislabelled