Conspiracy theories

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This is intended for modern-day conspiracies. All are completely fictional fnord.

Conspiracies!

two mysterious guys, using the pseudonyms "Ryan Fox" and "John Taylor", through their uneasy alliance with New Agers, will nuke New York to bring about the return of their master, C'thulhu! All we can do is contemplate our navels.


Decoding the subliminal messages in popular music leads me to the inevitable conclusion that Hitler is still alive, therefore The Endless Artisans have already managed to boil away the oceans to cover up the evidence for a Recent Creation.


The Templars, through their strategic merger with Google, plan to boil away the oceans to see what happens then. Do You Believe That?


Modern science has unearthed new evidence that Elvis is still alive, which in turn means The Bavarian Illuminati have hatched a devilish plot to reverse-engineer UFO technology to bring about the reign of the Antichrist! All we can do is hide under the bed and hope it goes away.


As I was told by a TV Host I used to know before she disappeared, "Spongebob Squarepants" remains bafflingly popular, which leads us to conclude that The Band of the Eighth Chalice try to use high-definition television to get even with that kid in third grade. COPYING and DISSIMENATION of this IMPORTANT INFORMATION is ENCOURAGED.


The Arcane Guild of the Desire, through their strategic merger with the homeless people of the world, have already managed to trigger a nuclear holocaust to sell the planet to Benevolent Space Brothers. All we can do is pray fervently to die before this comes to pass.


The horrible fact is that remnants of a 5000-year-old airplane has been found buried in ancient Babylonian ruins, therefore we must conclude that two mysterious guys, using the pseudonyms "Paul Hale" and "Scott Smith" are scheming to drive the economy into the ground, so as to sell the planet to Nine-Eyed Qdzutll! All we can do is teach the children well and hide them in the cellar.


The Jesuits, through their hidden links with the Russian maffia, are scheming to fluoridate the water supply to introduce sharia laws worldwide. Do You Believe That?


The Jesuits, through their unwitting minions, Libertarians, have hatched a devilish plot to nuke New York to save the whales.


The horrible fact is that Kennedy's murder is staged, and he is still alive somewhere, therefore The Canadians have hatched a devilish plot to ban broccoli consumption to bitch-slap Dan Brown! All we can do is hope The Bilderbergers will save us!


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