Questions and Consequences

Used something similar at the table to catch a new player up to where the rest of the PCs were in a DCC Funnel (mine go long and take a few sessions to get through). It's an abstract of the sort of wildly unbalanced but flavorful hijinx the level-0s can get up to. The DM asks the question, and the PCs decide which of their characters does it. Then the DM reads the consequence. A lot of these might be hooks the DM can use moving forward.

Questions and Consequences
[main]

1,[question]
 * main

1,Who looked inside the pig's backpack? [pig] 1,Who confronted the belligerent muscleman on the beach one on one? [muscle] 1,Who touched the statue of [SpiritForm.main]? [statue] 1,Who befriended the drunk old man? [drunk] 1,Who caught the nymph's eye first? [nymph] 1,Who bravely waded into the babbling stream first? [stream] 1,Who poked around the ranger's campsite while he was off hunting? [ranger] 1,[Painting.main] found in the abandoned watchtower, who looked behind it? [painting] 1,Who helped the wandering merchant down on his luck? [merchant] 1,Who touched the glowing pink meteor? [meteor] 1,Who dug up the lonely grave by the roadside? [grave] 1,Who bravely climbed down the stairs into complete darkness? [downstairs] 1,Who climbed up the floating stone stairs that led into the clouds? [upstairs] 1,Who decided to keep the weird egg instead of smashing it? [egg] 1,Who entered the witch's hut? [witch] 1,Who got into a riddle contest with the [Quick NPC.adjective] halfling? [halfling] 1,Who ate the weird looking mushroom? [mushroom] 1,Who rooted through the humongous bird's nest? [nest] 1,Who opened the ornate stone coffin? [coffin]
 * question

1,You found [backpackcontent]. 1,The pig didn't like that, you were trampled for [Dice.1d4] damage and the pig ran off. 1,The backpack was empty, but the pig liked you and follows you around now. 1,The backpack was full of [Dice.1d100] golden teeth.
 * pig

1,a duck 1,a recorked bottle of wine 1, 1,[Dice.2d3] random potions, all of the same type, each in [bottletype]
 * backpackcontent

1,You got your ass kicked and he took your most valuable item. 1,You got a broken nose and lost your front teeth, but you should see the other guy! 1,You kicked his ass and took his coin pouch of [Dice.2d6] gold coins. 1,You arm-wrestled a god in disguise and held your own. Your muscles bulge, gain +1 strength.
 * muscle

1,You grow gills, weird. 1,Otherworldly energy courses through you! Random stat increases by 1. 1,You're now a cat. Meow. 1,The statue comes to life, and you become a statue. You can play as the former statue, if it makes any sense.
 * statue

1,The dirty old man gives you a deck of erotic tarot cards. 1,Quite a potent drink you shared. You're an alcoholic now. 1,He gives you his trust knife, "Lucille". 1,Drunk as a skunk, you drift off in an alley and a rat bites you and you die.
 * drunk

1,She loves you. You'll need to spend the rest of your life with her (or until she gets bored of you). 1,She likes your face and gives you a kiss. [nymphkiss] 1,She gives you a lock of her hair. 1,Something about you pisses her off. She curses you--lose a point in a random attribute.
 * nymph

1,What a kiss! Your confidence increases by 1. 1,You take on a more wooden appearance. Confidence -1, but AC +1. 1,You gained a boon! Kiss any tree and you will summon this wood nymph who will try to help you. 1,Turns out you're a bad kisser and she kisses and tells. Trees and flowers snicker when you walk by from now on.
 * nymphkiss

1,What a shame, leeches got you. 1,You trip over a statuette of [SpiritForm.main] made from [Utility.HornIvory]. 1,The fierce water washes you downstream, stealing everything but your clothes. 1,You find an old coin with a queen on it.
 * stream

1,You found a golden bow and a red quiver with [Dice.2d4] extra sharp arrows. 1,You found an angry wolverine. Take [Dice.1d4] damage. 1,You accidentally set his tent on fire. Whoops! Hope he doesn't have any class skills he can use to track you down. 1,He comes back and gives you some [Animal.ordinaryanimal] meat for the road.
 * ranger

1,You find a pouch with [Dice.1d20] gold coins in a hole behind the painting. 1,What trap killed you? [trap] 1,You find a map of a dungeon (DM IOU) crammed into a cubbyhole behind the painting. 1,You find [bottletype] in a hole behind the painting.
 * painting

1,Crossbow bolt to the face. Ouch! 1,Triggered fireball that melts your face away. 1,Mechanical snake sinks fangs into your neck. 1,Floor opens beneath and you plummet into darkness.
 * trap

1,A haberdasher! He rewards you with a very fine looking hat. 1,A scam artist, he leaves you with nothing. 1,He rewards you with something fine: 1,He tells you about a secret passage in a nearby castle.
 * merchant

1,Bad news, you're a time shadow now that haunts the future. 1,You're gone forever, but someone else appears. Roll an entirely new character; your occupation is spaceman and you have a ray gun. 1,The greasy surface rubs off on your skin. Your hands now glow faintly in the dark. 1,You chip off a piece and have a glowing pink chunk of meteor.
 * meteor

1,An angry skeleton did NOT attack you; you found an old journal detailing a nearby village's population 50 years ago. 1,The grave is empty, but in the coffin you found clumps of blue soil. 1,Someone beat you to it--no, wait, someone beat you. To death. The zombie you unleashed laughs and then starts burying himself again. 1,Only a skull remains. [skull]
 * grave

1,A wise ass talking skull, you know the sort. 1,Strange, the skull appears kind of lumpy. 1,Definitely not a human skull, looks like it came from except bigger. 1,A blue crystal skull, must be worth a fortune!
 * skull

1,Trudging down and ever deeper, squinting against the dark, you eventually reach the bottom. Nothing down there, but you can now see in the dark. 1,The darkness swallows you whole. 1,Who left this locked puzzle box here for you to trip over? 1,You appear at the top of the steps after some time, with no memory of what was down there, but changed. Reroll a random stat.
 * downstairs

1,You thought you were good enough to get to Heaven? You'll be climbing those stairs for eternity. 1,A friendly cloud genie grants you a wish. 1,A sword sticking out of a cloud winds up in your possession. Hope nobody misses it... 1,You step out onto a cloud and promptly fall through. Luckily, a sky sprite whispered to you how to fall gently to earth and resist gravity.
 * upstairs

1,Lucky you, turns out it was solid gold! 1,Watch out, mama might come looking for it... 1,It hatches and thousands of spiders scramble out, covering you with deadly love bites. 1,Starts to smell terrible, but you find yourself unable to get rid of it.
 * egg

1,Uh oh, she kissed you! [witchkiss] 1,Nobody's home, so you swipe a glowing [Color.all] orb. 1,You pocket a random potion in [bottletype]. 1,The witch's curse shrinks you to 1/2 your current size.
 * witch

1,You turn into an intelligent spear. Someone else can take you, the witch Does Not Want. 1,She's such a good kisser, she stretches out your tongue. It's now twice as long. 1,You never asked for this, but now that you're here, it's pretty good. Luck increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,Having been kissed by a witch, your soul can never be raised from the dead. Hope it was worth it.
 * witchkiss

1,Schooled by his impossibly clever riddles, you end up losing your shirt to him, literally. 1,You get destroyed, but learn an awesome riddle that'll almost certainly stump someone in the future. 1,This halfling sucks at riddles. You best him easily and he gives you his lucky rabbit's foot. 1,A sore loser, the halfling throws a stinky balloon at you before taking off. You attract monsters now.
 * halfling

1,Did you think this would end well? The aptly named Destroying Angel mushroom destroys you. 1,The spores seep into your system. Now you leave a faint but visible trail of spores wherever you go. 1,You're a real fun guy! Your confidence increases by [Dice.1d6]. 1,Ugh, you throw up a strange key.
 * mushroom

1,You find a ball's worth of wire-thin silver woven into the bottom of the nest. 1,A giant black bird comes back and devours you like a worm. 1,3 birds the size of hyenas sleep over the remains of a dude. You grab the guy's severed hand which has a ring on it: ring [Jewelry.Predicate] 1,A strange crystal skeleton of a bird is in the bottom of the nest. While you possess it, you can speak to birds.
 * nest

1,A staircase in the coffin leads down to 1,You find 7 skeletal infants with 7 infant sized capes. Take one if you want to. 1,This dead dwarf smells terrible, but his plate armor looks to be in good shape. 1,You find a very convincing wolfman costume that's just your size!
 * coffin

1,[label] glass bottle shaped like 1,[label] vial 1,[label] wine bottle 1,[label] canteen 1,[label] flask 1,[label] jug 1,[label] glass jar
 * bottletype

3,an unlabelled 1,an accurately labelled 1,a mislabelled
 * label