Conspiracy theories

This is intended for modern-day conspiracies. All are completely fictional fnord.

Conspiracies!
[main]

1,The [Illuminati], through their [Relationship] [Normalgroup], [Schemeverb] [Schememethod] [Schemegoal][Ending]
 * main

1,Bavarian Illuminati 1,Templars 1,Discordian Society 1,[Aliens] 1,Gnomes of Zurich 1,Rosicrucians 1,Hypnocracy 1,[Normalgroup]
 * Illuminati

1,Greys from Zeta Reticuli 1,Reptoids from the 5th dimension 1,mythical "Annunaki" 1,Benevolent Space Brothers 1,Unspeakable Things From Beyond
 * Aliens

1,mysterious backers 1,brainwashed lackies 1,dupes 1,pawns 1,unwitting minions 1,silent partners in 1,uneasy alliance with 1,strategic merger with 1,business partnership with 1,hidden links with
 * Relationship

1,the American Medical Association 1,the Homeopaths 1,the financial industry 1,Greenpeace 1,Wal-Mart 1,the Post Office 1,Microsoft 1,Apple Computers 1,the homeless people of the world 1,the Church of Scientology 1,the Church of the SubGenius 1,ACORN 1,Halliburton 1,McDonald's 1,Republican Party 1,Democratic Party 1,Green Party 1,Libertarians 1,Communists 1,organized crime 1,New Agers 1,[Normalgroup] and [Normalgroup] 1,[Illuminati]
 * Normalgroup

1,plan to 1,have hatched a devilish plot to 1,have already managed to 1,will
 * Schemeverb

1,corner the world rice market to 1,fluoridate the water supply to 1,use high-definition television to 1,beat up people at random to 1,fake another 9/11 disaster in order to 1,spread fear and panic as part of their plan to 1,inflame religious sentiment, which will 1,fake the moon landing, as part of their plan to
 * Schememethod

1,make fat stacks of cash 1,achieve total world domination 1,destroy their hated enemies, [Normalgroup] 1,re-elect the President 1,ascend to godhood 1,immenantize the Eschaton 1,bitch-slap Dan Brown 1,sell the planet to [Aliens] 1,cause the downfall of civilization
 * Schemegoal

1,! 1,. 1,. All we can do is [Cope] 1,! All we can do is [Cope] 1,. Do You Believe That?
 * Ending

1,put our head between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye. 1,pray fervently to die before this comes to pass. 1,get a rifle and start shooting at random. 1,adopt a strict vegetarian diet. 1,go on strike until the economy collapses. 1,lynch the villains responsible! 1,hide under the bed and hope it goes away. 1,invest heavily in canned food and shotguns. 1,flee to the hills! 1,party madly as human civilization collapses into a new Dark Age.
 * Cope