Nic Cage Movie Elements

It has both the classic elements of a Nic Cage movie:

One:  [One]  Two:  [Two]  But you lack the key [Keys]. Namely:  [Qualities] 

1,It exists. 1,I'm told the actors were given FOOD! 1,All the dialogue is either whispered or screamed. 1,It's based on a children's board game.
 * One

1,Much like Sherlock Holmes, I am a high-society playboy who moonlights as a cyborg assassin. 1,It's basically a shot-for-shot recreation of my life! I AM the Human Hangover! 1,Everything in the movie is on fire! 1,you don't need to speak english to enjoy it! 1,A man fighting off a pack of rabid wolves with his bare hands... that's my life story!
 * Two

1,qualities of a true movie star 1,ingredient to being a true film icon
 * Keys

1,A shock of brown hair that zigs and zags across my ever-changing browline. Like polarized metal filings, at the cruel mercy of their mother magnet. All perched upon the face of a weathered possum king. And that, my friend, is the TRUE meaning of Christmas! 1,Nomadic eyebrows, that have long since traveled from their home. The forehead village they grew up in was a safe haven! When ADVENTURE came calling! And like the gladiators of yore, they rode across the crescent moon that is my hairline! And THAT... is the audacity of hope. 1,A sense of humor, dry and marble like a quality beefsteak. No A1 sauce required for this jester, for the tangy flavor rises from within. 1,A scent, musky and masculine, like that of a silverback gorilla in a form-fitting leather jacket. 1,The rugged, smoky features of a cunning cigar store Indian... and eyes that sparkle and pierce the hearts of women, both old and middle-aged alike. And that... is the true meaning of Black History Month. 1,The skin of a sundried gremlin, with the oaky tan and chaotic hairline of a puerto rican beetlejuice; and THAT is why we leave a chair open at passover!
 * Qualities